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Posts Tagged ‘happiness’

Sometimes… well a lot of the time in photography things just don’t quite come out the way you wanted them too, but if you’re lucky and your intentions are pure and the subject of your photos really makes you happy then even a photograph that’s not quite as sharp as you’d wanted can be  a beautiful piece of inspiration for your soul.

This set of bathing bird photos are my absolute favorites. I’d thought about photographing a bird in this bird bath for years, and when I finally got the chance it didn’t matter that the light was off or the bird was slightly out of focus, what mattered was that I was there and I got the shot, and every time I look at those little water droplets flying in the air my heart sings and I can’t help but smile. Which by my definition makes it a perfect picture.

This beautiful mosaic birdbath was created by Monica Schill over at Encased in Concrete! Be sure to check her out.

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I’ve been away from my blog for a while, everything else just seems to have become more important, and “Me” time that wasn’t strictly dedicated to removing curdled bits of baby vomit from my clothes and cleavage had become few and far between.

Becoming a mother is by far the best way to have your life turned inside out and all of your priorities rearranged by an 8 pound midget, now I say rearranged instead of reorganized, because there is nothing organizational about the first few months of having a child. There is no schedule on which they do anything, which in some ways was a blessing upon my overly organized, mostly self centered life.

My Sweet little SweetPea arrived at 7:04 on the evening of February 15th also known as the hardest and most gratifying day of my entire life. I don’t think there is a single moment in my life that will require more concentration, and more physical and mental stamina than giving birth did. It was extreme in every possible application of the word, and created change in every imaginable part of me.

There was a moment between the emergence of my daughters shoulders and when I reached down to pull her the rest of the way into the world and up onto my bare chest where I felt something entirely new. A new sensation that consumed me wholly, starting hot in my heart, and twining its way through every particle of my being until every inch of me was smoldering with the warm embers of a fire that I knew could never be put out, sparked by this creature I could finally feel against my sweat dampened skin, and at that moment I experienced for the very first time Unconditional Love. When she looked into my eyes it was complete and utter euphoria. I would do anything for this person, anything to keep her happy, and anything to keep her safe and protected from all forces that may wished to harm her. And I would Love her, I would Love her until the end of my days, with ease through the good times, and with unfaltering fortitude through any moment she suffered. I would love her no matter what, no matter what she did or what she became, no matter how proud I was, or how badly I wished she’d change her mind I would Love her.

I was hooked; the center of my universe instantly transported itself from the base of my own heart, and nestled within the chambers of hers just as if it had been there all along, and five very short months later, that is where my center continues to reside.

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I started a baby journal when I first learned I was pregnant. It was short lived and only has a few entries, but I found it today and wanted to share some of the words I wrote to her with all of you.

August 11th, 2010 – 12weeks 5days

Dear Baby,

The things I find myself wanting from life are so very different than they used to be. I no longer feel the need for a large house and a new car, but I instead long for experiences with you and your Father; a small cabin in the woods with a dog and a goat, watching bugs crawl across the floor in the living room with you and I giggling together as our puppy tries to eat them up, playing outside and teaching you about nature, mud pies and flower cakes, fresh veggies and the smell of ripe blackberries in the sun, cold rainy days spend by the fire reading books and playing games with you and your Daddy, being happy just to be alive and near the ones I love. What sweet happiness one could have with so very little.

Sometimes it’s nice to look back and be reminded of the things that were most important. I’d forgotten how deeply I felt about just having the simple things in life, and enjoying the moments made with my family over the things I can(or can’t) buy at the store. Today I am grateful for the things I have, and that’s a wonderful way to start the day!

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I hope my life is never without love… Nothing can be felt without Passion… To be Inspired is to understand the reason for living… Follow your Heart… Make Mistakes… Make lots and lots of Mistakes… Remember the things you Love, and do them… Be completely Consumed by a feeling… Give in… There is nothing in your life that you are meant to have that wont come with time… Don’t try so hard to make good things happen… Good things happen on their own… And when you find that one person that makes your world go round, That one person you can’t imagine your life without… Tell them you love them… Tell them you love them every day… Because you’re meant to be happy… And happiness is knowing what you have today… and being grateful you have it…

 

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It’s the big goals in life that are often the easiest to focus on. We work and we strive to gain the validation of becoming new things, and obtaining new parts, and pieces of our lives, but in all of this striving and obtaining, and the occasional clawing we do to get to the top there are so many everyday things that are lost, and unless they are remembered and cherished we’ll all just pass right by them on the way to our next big things.

It has not been as easy to stop and be a part of my own life as I thought it would be. I always thought I was my own life, but recently I realized that I’ve been missing so much of what makes up my everyday. Consumed by my latest aspirations and my no so sunny optimism I found myself feeling rather dark and gloomy, and after moping about the house for longer than I would like to admit it struck me and I had to asked myself

where was the beauty in the world?

Where was the beauty in me?

and why couldn’t I see it anymore?

I was determined to turn it around to find happiness in my own world, in my own life, even if my “big goals” were taking more time than I had anticipated. So I did something I hadn’t done in a wile, I looked to the inside of my right wrist, and read the words I’d had permanently inscribed there “Be Grateful” two simple words and an entire world of meaning. I’d like to tell you that I’d forgotten they were there, that I’d become so used to seeing them everyday that I wouldn’t even notice them, my mind skimming over them like a freckle or a birthmark always there, but rarely noticed. The truth is, I stopped looking, stopped reading them when the inscription began to make me feel guilty for never being happy with what I had, and always wanting more, but this day was different, I read them over and over first taking them in with just my eyes, and then taking them back into my heart. I stared at my wrist for a long time and then touched the words with my fingers, rubbing against them and reassuring myself that they were here to stay, and finally I held them against my chest, right over my heart as if I were trying to absorb them into my very soul.

When I walked to the mail box that morning I picked out ten things along the way I was Grateful for; the warm Hawaiian rain, The feel of the earth beneath my feet, the sound of the wind in the trees, little birds hopping through the grass, my home, fresh ocean air, the sweet smell of plumeria, puddles, and packages in the mail. Every one of them simple, and every one of them something I’d experienced almost everyday, but I’d passed right over them before not even seeing that there are so many things to smile about each day.

Every day I spend some time watching the finches, and the sparrows perching on the fence in my back yard as they take turns dive bombing the bird seed scattered across the few feet of deep red volcanic soil at the end of my patio. They chirp and sing as they muscle for rank and placement on the boundaries of my yard and I smile, and take as much time as I wish to appreciate the happiness they make me feel inside, and I am grateful.

It’s a struggle to remember to take time, and to be grateful. A lesson I must reteach myself every day, but it’s worth it, it’s worth taking the time, and as time goes on I can only hope that I will become so accustomed to appreciating the world around me that it will be the first thing I do, and I wont remember how to miss it.

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